The Banana Returns

Last week I bought a jar of almond butter.

My logic was this:  If I'm going to quit sugar (hard), I'm going to need a crutch (easy).  Cut-up veggies and hummus weren't filling the comfort-food hole that Easter dug in my heart, once the Nestle Crunch Eggs were gone. 

And also, Beans has eczema. 

The midwife listed the dietary culprits that might be causing it: wheat, dairy, soy, corn, eggs, tomatoes, citrus, chocolate...

I'm still abstaining from wheat, dairy, peanuts, soy, chocolate.  I tried some wheat last week, and she flared up with eczema.  So, hm.  That's probably it.  But if not, bye-bye eggs, bye-bye tomatoes, bye-bye citrus...

Eggs went bye-bye today, actually.  

Giving up corn is no big deal.  We had polenta last night and it was great.  I'd happily give all corn up, even though Brian has suggested that we have a race; because corn is a marker food, meaning that you can check on how quickly your body digests food by eating some corn and then waiting to see when it comes out (whole, undigested) in your poop. 

I married the right man.  He wants to eat a bunch of corn with me and then see who poops it out first.  Dreamy. 

The recipe I'd intended to post this week was for Oat Biscuits, which are little hockey pucks of grainy-seedy goodness.  I've made them a half dozen times in the past few weeks, sometimes with oat flour, sometimes with no flour, sometimes sweetened with honey, sometimes not.  The recipe I like best is definitely the most hippie-crunchy, but it has eggs in it, dammit.  I chose to make it unsweetened, the way I take my oatmeal, and without flour, because I really like it crunchy and dense, and not tender and fluffy.  My goal was to make something that I could eat in the truck on my way to the gym in the morning, to use as a quick energy-meal before my workout.  I didn't want something that I'd be tempted to snack on later. 

I know I'm making this sound really appealing.  That's the point, though-- they were supposed to be functional health food, and not something I'd reach for in the afternoon.

Except, even without fluffiness or sweetness, I still reached for them, because toasted, they're like a really nutty whole-grain bread, mated with a cracker.  Yum.

Also, how pornographic is the title of this post? 

It makes me think of an old client of mine, who once said that if he were stranded on a desert island, all he'd want would be a jar of peanut butter, because he could either eat it or fuck it.

And I said, "Remind me never to make a PB&J" at your house.


1 cup rolled oats
1 cup Scottish Oatmeal (Bob's Red Mill makes a great one)
1/2 cup ground flaxseed meal
1/2 cup chopped toasted walnuts (toast for 7 minutes at 350 or so, until fragrant)
1/2 cup unsweetened dessicated coconut flake
1/4 cup chia seeds
1 teaspoon baking powder, for the heck of it
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
4 egg whites, lightly beaten
3/4 cup unsweetened almond milk

Preheat your oven to 350.  Grease a standard muffin tin.  In a medium bowl, toss together the dry ingredients.  In a small bowl, whisk together the egg whites and almond milk until combined.  Stir the egg white / almond milk mixture into the oats and seeds until well combined.  Scoop about a quarter cup of the mixture into each muffin hole (BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M CALLING THEM.  Also, The Banana Returns!) and press down firmly with your fingers or the back of a spoon.  If you skip this, they will fall apart after you bake them, because they are crumbly as all get-out.  Bake for 25 minutes. 

Notes:  adding 1/4 cup honey to the wet ingredients makes these sufficiently sweet.  You can also cut the rolled oats down to 1/2 cup, and the flax down to 1/4 cup and add 3/4 cup oat flour, to make these tender and fluffy and more biscuity/muffiny.  If you do that, bump the baking powder up to 2 teaspoons. 

I'm not responsible if you follow this recipe and discover that these are little hockey pucks made of oats and seeds. 

Unless you like them like that, which I do.

In which case, I'll take full credit.

Photos to follow. 

1 comment:

  1. Haha, you make me laugh. I don't know if I'm brave enough to follow this recipe, but you haven't led me astray yet. Hope you can manage with all of that elimination and that Beans reaps from your sacrifice. XO! Looking forward to photos. Oh and Penelope says Hi.